Sitting here in a way too hot LA (but can’t complain) and honestly I didn’t feel like I could come up with any fresh content for you guys this week. Staying true to myself, I asked why I felt that way. Was I only going to write when inspiration strikes? Definitely not realistic. Was I only going to write when I had a unique topic to discuss? Certainly not.

After a cup of strong coffee, time with nature (by nature I mean sitting outside in Old Town Pasadena), and some introspection – I realized I can talk about how to find ways to unwind. I know this is not a new topic, but it’s an important “skill” to address and often overlooked.

Granted I’m someone who is comfortable spending a ton of time on my own thoughts. This isn’t a trait everyone shares. As one of the many who struggles with anxiety, it is imperative that we find a way to detox and disconnect. Now I can list a bunch of things that work for me, but in order to find the most effective way to unwind for you, you have to spend some time learning about yourself – whether by keeping a journal or just making an effort to be more aware.

You may think that going out with friends or family is a great way to unwind, but I’m going say something you may not agree with – it’s not. Spending time with others only scratches the surface. These activities can actually do the opposite. Do you ever feel drained after?

In my case, it manifested into a shopping addiction (yes, this is real y’all). I sought out the immediate gratification that it brought me. The “happiness” possessions brought me covered up just how unhappy I actually was. I thought I had it under control – I was simply enjoying my weekend. I was having time with myself that I didn’t have at home. It wasn’t until I got to a point where I didn’t feel anything anymore. I would buy things and feel nothing. No feeling whatsoever. I wasn’t any happier (and poorer). I wasn’t taking care of myself.

Learn to say no. 

This set me free. If you’re a standard people pleaser and generally have a tough time saying no, this takes some practice, but it’s not unachievable. Trust me, there will always be a million reasons not to do something. Start small. It’s okay to say no and it’s okay to spend time with yourself.

1. At work – if you are feeling burned out or if the request is just unreasonable, vocalize this. This is a way you can develop a stronger relationship with your boss. You can voice this whilst still being professional. Trust me, a good boss will appreciate this. You are not over-promising nor will you under deliver. And more likely than not, you’ll learn how to ask for help/delegate. If possible, try asking if you can work remotely. You’d be surprised how much this helps. This is not a weakness.
2. Friends – this was actually the toughest part for me to practice. I’m an only child and an introvert, so I’m no social butterfly. I find it considerably difficult for me to make a ton of friends. I thought I needed to have more friends and even if they were toxic, it was better than having none. Don’t fall into this trap. Be secure enough with yourself to know when it’s time to cut someone out. Ask yourself – how are they making your life better? How are they making you better? As Robert DeNiro once said, “whenever there is any doubt, there is no doubt.“
3. Family – now I love my family. But being an only child of a single mother, I’ve felt a responsibility to make sure I did whatever I could to make sure she never felt lonely or unhappy. Now, this was a feeling I burdened myself with – my mom never explicitly said this was something I had to do. I often felt I had to spend whatever free time I had with her. This would often lead to me feeling empty at the end of my weekend. I’ve learned how to balance this and my mom is getting better and better at understanding. (e.g. instead of a full day, why not have dinner or lunch? Parents ultimately just want quality time with you anyways).

Alright, I think I’ve gone on long enough and not sure if this helped at all, but it was great to share some more of myself with you guys. I’d love to hear how all of you like to unwind!